Embracing Change
"The only thing that is constant is change." ~Heraclitus~
Hello Beautiful Soul-
What is it about change that makes us feel paralyzed? Is it the fear of what we do not know which lies on the other side of change? Or maybe the fact that we have to step outside of our comfort zone? Or the emotional roller coaster ride unexpected change might present? Resisting is a natural response to feeling anxious to an unfamiliar territory.
But what if we could look to embrace change instead? What if we looked at it as an opportunity for growth and development?
I have been thinking a lot about change this year, as my daughter just graduated from high-school in May and she will be off to college, living on her own in early September. At the beginning of her senior year, I struggled. I kept looking for the pause button. She has been a rock in my life ever since she was born, as I am hers. She brings me extraordinary joy and is my greatest gift. As I have embraced the inevitable that my daughter is leaving the nest and going out on her own, it has forced me to look inward. I have been able to work through some of my fears and out-dated beliefs and I have been able to rediscover parts of myself. I have also pivoted to spending more time together, teaching her what it will be like living on her own and in the process I have tapped into that excitement of what this new chapter in life will bring for both of us.
Of course it may feel different, if we are suddenly forced to make life changes. This brings me to an example from my last year, when it seems like the Universe tested me with so many obstacles of change. I was suddenly forced to put my life on hold and focus on my health. With a cancer diagnosis, PET scans, biopsies and two tumors removed from my jaw and neck, the only thing I had was to embrace change. So many unknowns and through the roller coaster ride of emotions, I have fully understood what it means to Surrender. Through embracing change, I have witnessed how beautiful life is on the other side of fear.
When we no longer resist change and instead regard it as an opportunity to grow, we find that we are far from helpless in the face of it.
I’d like to share with you some tools to help with embracing change:
Name and acknowledge the changes you are experiencing. You might say to yourself, “Things are changing, and that is okay” or “Whew, a lot is shifting, and this feels tough.” Whether you feel graceful about the change or not, naming the experience and the emotions you are feeling is an excellent first step.
Claim your sphere of control. Assess the situation and determine which elements are within your control. It might be helpful to categorize elements as “in my control” and “out of my control” in a two-column chart. Then, as you sit with the items under “out of my control” you might ask: “Is there anything I can make peace with? Let go of? Ask for help with?”
Separate yourself from the experience. You are not defined by one change; you are a whole person with vast and diverse experiences. Yes, life changes can impact you greatly, and, you get to decide what each transition will mean for you. If it feels supportive, give yourself a gentle mental reminder of your wholeness. For instance, I use the phrase “I am not this experience.”
Maintain self-care routines and rituals. While things are shifting in life, it can be helpful to rely on a small handful of self care practices that ground and support you. For instance, I will get on the elliptical to move stagnant emotions I need to process, go sit in nature, do breathwork, meditate, journal or take a long spiritual bath to help me feel more like myself. What is on your go-to self-care list?
Focus on resilience. Each change will bring with it some level of discomfort. Honor the discomfort in your body, mind and your emotions. As you meet this discomfort and learn new parts of yourself, you are getting stronger and wiser. I invite you to place your hands on your heart, close your eyes and notice the quality of your heart as you consider this idea.
Ask for help. We all have a support system for a reason, and times of transition and change you may call for extra love and care. It can help to reach out to other individuals who have gone through a similar change. This can be formal or informal. Ideas include the following: support groups, group therapy, FB groups, podcasts, IG accounts, MeetUps, lunches with friends, and calling a loved one.
Reflect on your own unique journey. Pause regularly to notice how far you have come. Perhaps you do this nightly or weekly or after a big challenge. Regardless, slow down to acknowledge the distance you’ve traveled and celebrate you!
At the root of all growth, we find change. If you are willing to embrace it proactively, its lasting impact will nearly always be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually transformative.
Sending much love & gratitude,
Dena